‘The you-can-do it thing’

Nicole Allegretti started writing as a way to connect with her younger brother, who struggled with mental health and addiction. Years after his death of an overdose, she’s still writing children’s stories with him in mind.

Your new book, Let’s Ask About the Moon, is about a pair of friends – a beaver and a hedgehog – who go talk to the moon to see if she can make the day longer so they can have more time to play. What sparked this idea?
I love the moon, and I love looking up at the moon. Here in the country the moon is so big and beautiful. Where I live [in Vernon, NJ] where the moon rises there’s a big mountain... and I was like, What would it be like to go talk to the moon?

My process is I write dialog first, I just write a conversation, and then I build characters around that conversation, and then it kind of flows from there into a story.

I saw you studied playwriting in college, so that makes sense.
Yeah my undergrad was in playwriting, and I’ve always loved writing and poetry – and the conversations we have around important things. Small talk is good when you’re at parties or whatever, but I like deeper conversations – talking about, you know, life and death.

Memento mori, right? Reminders of death. It’s important.
At Vastu [in Warwick, NY] where I work, I was talking to someone and they were like, you should write a story about death, what it’s like to lose someone. It’s on my list, but I’m conflicted with it – how do you write that in a compassionate way? How do you write that in a way that’s... that lands softly. I don’t know how you soften that. I’m trying to find that in myself.

What inspired you to start writing?
My brother, he had bipolar disorder and addiction disorder. There were many times where I couldn’t reach him. So I started writing stories for him. I remember one time it was his birthday and he read one of the stories and you could see it, that he just felt connected, you know, felt some kind of connection in the story or the writing.

He died of an overdose. And after that I kept writing, like it was a way for me to cope. Writing has always been a way for me to cope during difficult moments in my life. So I started writing a lot after that. Then I got divorced, and then I started writing more [laughs].

I submitted it to Olympia Publishers – I sent it in and they wanted to publish it [Collection of Emotionful Stories, an anthology of stories Allegretti wrote for her brother, was published in 2017].

That’s huge that you found a publisher.
Yeah, I’m grateful. And I’m grateful that people want to read it. I write and I don’t know if anyone’s going to want to read it. So I’m just so grateful that anyone wants to read it and they feel that connection – that not-aloneness. And I think you can do that with music, with writing, with yoga, with painting, any of these kind of modalities that reach inside, you know, and find that connection. And with sound – I do sound healings.

Why did you decide to write for kids?
I think you can reach adults, but I think children are especially vulnerable. If you can instill encouragement and compassion and strength, and you know, the you-can-do-it thing? If you can build that in someone as a child, I think when they get older they remember that. For me, I remember, like, Winnie the Poo and Berenstain Bears. I don’t even understand how they affect my life, but when I’m in a difficult place I remember them.

Also with my brother, if I were to reach him as a child, how would I do that?

Winnie the Pooh is so good.
It has these little bits of...

Deep wisdom.
Yes, deep wisdom and... the way we are, you know, understanding humanness. And if we can understand that we can be less alone and not isolated in feeling whatever we feel.

You have a very particular voice: meandering, unhurried, kind of dreamy. Is that something you focus on, or is that just how it comes out?
That’s how it comes out, but I meditate a lot. Every morning I meditate, and there’s a Buddhist meditation at Vastu that I attend weekly. That’s the place I’m in when I write. Right now I’m writing a sci-fi young adult love story, and that’s really fun for me. But yeah, to be in the place of writing, it has to really calm and it has to be flowing. I would be a horrible, like, paid writer.

So does writing feel work to you?
No, it’s more like one of the things I do for fun.

Is there a commonality between writing and your work as an acupuncturist, yoga teacher and sound healer?
It’s all supportive and to encourage connection, with ourselves and with each other and with spirit. I didn’t have connections with my mother [who suffered from paranoid schizophrenia] and brother, but I guess doing these things I find that connection, or I feel good about bringing that connection.

You espouse Buddhist beliefs, and you also go to church. Talk about your spiritual life.
I’ve had different times in my life where I’ve sort of sought God. When I was younger I was raised Methodist, then I was part of a non-denominational church for a little while. I fell out of the deep religion idea, you know. I feel like a personal relationship with God is the most important thing and I feel like I always have that... but after I got divorced I felt really outcasted. So I was like, you know what, I feel pretty alone, so writing was a way for me to feel connected, yoga was a way for me to feel connected, and then also I started attending a Catholic church, St. Francis. I know that in the background of the Catholic church it’s very strict, but for me in that moment it was right around Covid and they were open, and I felt in connection with God in those moments. And I love the parts of the Catholic church that have rosary beads, they’re similar to mala beads. And at one point in church they lit incense and meditated, and I just love that there was a place to do that that was open during Covid. So I became a Catholic. I love all faiths – any kind of spiritual connection that brings you closer to God. I’m not a fundamentalist. One time I wanted to do a sound healing [at church]. I asked them, Hey can I bring my bowls and do a sound healing? And they were like no [laughs]. I was like why not? They’re like church bells, it’s spiritual. They were like, no. That kind of sobered me to the fact that okay, this is not exactly the way that I’m seeing it.

When you’re writing, do you have an audience – a particular kid – in mind? Yeah I think about my brother, when he was little, what I would want to say to him. And also, I guess I think about myself too, and what I needed.

Allegretti is doing a reading from her new book on January 24 at 11:30 a.m. at Word Bookstores in Jersey City, NJ.